Search Results for: enchantment

The Wicked Enchantment by Margot Benary-Isbert

The Wicked Enchantment by Margot Benary-Isbert. Translated from the German by Richard and Clara Winston.

“The name of our town is Vogelsang, which means Birdsong. It has that pretty name because for hundreds of years the singing birds have come in great flocks to make their nests in our orchards and have sung more sweetly than anywhere else.”

But “odd and spooky things are apt to happen in Vogelsang.” And things are going quite in the wrong direction all over town. Anemone’s father has a new housekeeper who is admittedly a good cook, but Ilsebill (the cook-housekeeper) and especially her rascal of a son Erwin have it in for Anemone, and Anemone can’t take any more of their “nasty tricks.” And Anemone’s uncles have been accused of stealing a statue from the town’s cathedral. And the mayor is making laws that no one likes or understands. And Mr. FLorus, Anemone’s father, seems oblivious—or just completely enchanted by Ilsebill’s dumplings.

This tale of enchantments and disguises and a town in danger is not a Christmas story, but rather an Easter story. All of the action takes place during the week or two just before Easter Sunday. Anemone runs away from home, but she doesn’t go too far away. Aunt Gundula works hard to make her very special Easter eggs for the entire village even as she is working to make everything come right in Vogelsang before the Easter chimes ring out on Sunday. And there’s a circus, and a cute little dog, a very Germanic puzzle to solve and lots of pure nonsense and magic interspersed throughout.

You may be able to find this book, first published in English in 1955, in your local library, but if not, you’ll have to pay a pretty penny or luck out as I did. I saw the copy I now own in the local library used bookstore for $1.00, recognized the author’s name, and snapped it up. I’m very glad I did, and if you’re a member of my library, you can check out my copy.

Margot Benary-Isbert, by the way, is a German children’s author who wrote The Ark and Rowan Farm, realistic fiction about children living in post-war Germany. It was fun to see her try her hand at fantasy, and the attempt was very successful indeed. The translation was well-done, too, retaining the Germanic flavor but readily understandable in English. The main character, Anemone, reminded me somewhat of Pippi Longstocking, and I think fans of Pippi and of Grimm’s fairy tale-ish stories will enjoy TheWicked Enchantment.

Enchantment by Orson Scott Card

Last year, on the the recommendation of some of my blog friends, I read Orson Scott Card’s sci-fi materpiece, Ender’s Game. Although I thought the ending was bit weak, I enjoyed the book very much. Now I’ve read my second book by Card, and it’s quite different from Ender’s Game, but also delightful.

Enchantment is a fantasy fairy tale based on the story of Sleeping Beauty, set in Russia, and reminiscent of Twain’s A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court. A late twentieth century American young man named Ivan goes back in time to the ninth century to the kingdom of Taina after rescuing a sleeping princess from the clutches of a ravening bear. The book is full of paganism and witchcraft mixed with, sometimes clashing with, Orthodox Christianity and Judaism. Ivan is Jewish; the princess is Christian; both lapse into scientism or superstition at times. The atmosphere of ninth century Eastern Europe is recreated in a way that feels right. Christianity has become the official religion of Taina, but for some it’s only a thin veneer over their native paganism. And when the kingdom must confront and fight true, powerful Evil in the shape of Baba Yaga, the witch, it’s necessary to call on both the old gods and the new Christ and on all the help that the twentieth century can send into the past.

If you’re interested in retellings of fairy tales or in medieval historical fiction, Enchantment is one of the best of either I’ve read. It’s an adult or young adult book with some (married) sexual descriptions and innuendos.

Some children’s fairy tale novels that I like:

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine. In fact, you can hardly go wrong with any of Levine’s books for children.

The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale.

Beauty by Robin McKinley.

Briar Rose by Jane Yolen. Another Sleeping Beauty recreation set in and around the Holocaust. I know it sounds odd, but it works.

The Perilous Gard by Elizabeth Marie Pope. Loosely based on the ballad of Tam Lin.

Sarah Beth Durst’s latest fairy tale commentary: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Ms. Durst also has a fairy tale-based book, hot off the presses, that I’d like to read and make one of my favorites. It’s called Into the Wild, and I’m going to read it as soon as I get my hands on a copy. I’d also like to read some of Donna Jo Napoli’s fairy tale novels for children and young adults. She’s a good author.

If you read this genre, what are your favorite fairy tales retold or adapted to novel form?

Phantastes by George MacDonald

I am reading MacDonald’s quite strange and wonder filled book, Phantastes. In chapter eight, Anodos, a young man travelling in Fairyland, takes on a shadow-self that follows and eventually surrounds him, killing any light and any beauty that comes near. And after some travel in the company of the shadow, Anodos writes:

“But the most dreadful thing of all was that I now began to feel something like satisfaction in the presence of the shadow. I began to be rather vain of my attendant, saying to myself, ‘In a land like this, with so many illusions everywhere, I need his aid to disenchant the things around me. He does away with all appearances, and shows me things in their true color and form. And I am not one to be fooled with the vanities of the common crowd. I will not see beauty where there is none. I will dare to behold things as they are. And if I live in a waste instead of a paradise, I will live knowing where I live.'”

Phantastes by George MacDonald, p.78

Just like C.S. Lewis’s dwarfs in The Last Battle, Anodos is no longer to be fooled by the illusions of beauty and magic and fairy dust. Anodos believes that the darkness of the shadow is showing him reality, but darkness can’t “show” anything. One can only truly see when one is in the light, not the shadow.

Unfortunately, I know at least one young man whose name could be Anodos, a name that means “lost” or “pathless.” I am praying that he comes to see the enchanted and beautiful paradise where he actually could be living instead of trusting the disenchantments of the Shadow.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Grimm

Wilhelm Carl Grimm, b. 1786. While he and his brother Jacob were in law school, they began to collect folk tales. They collected, after many years, over 200 folk tales, including such famous ones as Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel, Hansel and Gretel, The Bremen Town Musicians, and Rumpelstiltskin. Both Wilhelm and Jacob were librarians. Here’s a Canadian website with stuff for children: games, coloring pages, animated stories, etc.

True story: I once worked in the reference section of a library in West Texas. We often answered reference questions over the phone. One day a caller asked me, “How do you spell Hansel?” “H-A-N-S-E-L,” I replied. The patron thanked me and hung up. About an hour later, I heard one of the other reference librarians spelling into the phone, “G-R-E-T-E-L.”

Here’s a list of some of the most famous of Grimm’s fairy tales, along with a short list of books and other media based on each tale. Do you like to read fairy tale revision novels?

Cinderella, or Aschenputtel
The Captive Maiden by Melanie Dickerson.
Bound by Donna Jo Napoli.
Princess of Glass by Jessica Day George.
Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine.
Bella at Midnight by Diane Stanley. Brown Bear Daughter’s review.
Just Ella by Margaret Peterson Haddix.
The Amaranth Enchantment by Julie Berry.
Hamster Princess: Whiskerella by Ursula Vernon.
A picture book series of Cinderella stories from around the world by Shirley Climo, including The Egyptian Cinderella, The Persian Cinderella, The Korean Cinderella, The Irish Cinderlad, etc.

The Elves and the Shoemaker
The Elves and the Shoemaker by Paul Galdone. (picture book)
The Elves and the Shoemaker by Bernadette Watts. (picture book)
The Elves and the Shoemaker by Jim Lamarche. (picture book)

The Fisherman and His Wife
The Fisherman and His Wife by Rachel Isadora. (picture book)
The Fisherman and His Wife by Margot Zemach. (picture book)

The Golden Goose
The Fairy’s Return by Gail Carson Levine.

The Goose Girl
The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale.
Thorn by Intisar Khanani.
The Goose Girl by Harold MacGrath.

Hansel and Gretel
The Sinister Sweetness of Splendid Academy by Nikki Loftin.
The Magic Circle by Donna Jo Napoli.
Nightbooks by J.A. White.

Little Red Riding Hood
Little Red Riding Hood by Trina Schart Hyman, Beautiful picture book version of the traditional tale.
Red: The (Fairly) True Tale of Red Riding Hood by Liesl Shurtliff.
Hamster Princess: Little Red Rodent Hood by Ursula Vernon.

Rapunzel
Zel by Donna Jo Napoli.
Letters from Rapunzel by Sara Lewis Holmes.
Rapunzel: The One with All the Hair by Wendy Mass.
Rapunzel Let Down by Regina Doman.
Hamster Princess: Ratpunzel by Ursula Vernon.
Rapunzel’s Revenge by Shannon Hale and Dean Hale.

Rumpelstiltskin
Straw into Gold by Gary D. Schmidt.
The Rumpelstiltskin Problem by Vivian Vande Velde.
A Curse as Dark as Gold by Elizabeth C. Bunce.
Rumpelstiltskn’s Daughter by Diane Stanley.
The Witch’s Boy by Michael Gruber.
Spinners by Donna Jo Napoli.
Rump: The True Story of Rumpelstiltskin by Liesl Shurtliff.

Snow White and the Dwarves
Black as Night by Regina Doman.
Fairest by Gail Carson Levine.
The Fairest Beauty by Melanie Dickerson.
Snow in Summer by Jane Yolen.
Grump by Liesl Shurtliff.
1937 Disney film Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
The 2011 TV series Once Upon A Time features Snow White, Prince Charming, and the Evil Queen as the main characters.

Snow White and Rose Red
The Shadow of the Bear by Regina Doman.

The Valiant Little Tailor
Mickey Mouse appeared in a Disney cartoon, Brave Little Tailor, based on this tale.

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The Castle Behind Thorns by Merrie Haskell

“Child, you do not forgive because the person who wronged deserves it. You misunderstand the point of forgiveness entirely. The only cage that a grudge creates is around the holder of that grudge. Forgiveness is not saying that the person who hurt you was right, or has earned it, or is allowed to hurt you again. All forgiveness means is that you will carry on without the burdens of rage and hatred.”

What a lovely parable about forgiveness and friendship and compromise and negotiation. And it’s all built upon the framework of the Sleeping Beauty fairy tale. When Sand wakes up in the cold fireplace of the Sundered Castle, he has no idea how he got there. Nor can he understand why everything, every single thing, in the castle is torn apart: floors, doors, furniture, linens, tools, everything. It couldn’t be the result of an earthquake, the story that Sand has heard all of his life. Earthquakes don’t tear both hammers and heavy iron anvils in half.

Now Sand finds himself trapped inside the Sundered Castle with a hedge of vicious thorns all around, and he does the only thing he knows how to do. He begins to use the forge and his skills as the son of a blacksmith to mend what has been broken.

This reworking of the story of Sleeping Beauty is aimed at middle grade readers, but it works for older children and adults, too. Orson Scott Card’s Enchantment is more for adults, and Jane Yolen’s Briar Rose is a YA adaptation. It’s good to have such a solid Sleeping Beauty story for the younger set.

The book does use the idea of medieval Catholic “saints” as semi-magical figures who offer guidance and answer prayers. This depiction of mythical saints may be uncomfortable for both Catholics who believe in praying to real saints and Protestants who are uneasy with the entire concept. However, if you don’t mind a couple of fictitious saints inhabiting the pages of the fairy tale, then The Castle Behind Thorns is uplifting and authentic at the same time.

Saturday Review of Books: March 15, 2014

“[R]ereading can be a product not of simple dissatisfaction, nor of the fan’s utter enchantment, but rather of some curious mix of gratification and a feeling of incompletion. You can reread not from love or hatred but from a sense, often inchoate, that there’s more to this book than you have yet been able to receive.” ~Alan Jacobs

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Merlin’s Blade by Robert Treskillard

Blurb from back cover: “When a meteorite crashes near a small village in fifth century Britain, it brings with it a mysterious black stone that bewitches anyone who comes in contact with its glow—a power the druids hope to use to destroy King Uther’s kingdom. The only person who seems immune is a young, shy, half-blind swordmith’s son named Merlin.”

This YA title in Zondervan’s new teen fiction imprint Blink joins my shortlist of favorite fantasy novels and series that play off the Arthurian legend of Merlin, King Arthur, and the Knights of the Round Table. Tereskillard’s Merlin is likable and easy to root for, and the minor characters are also well-realized and interesting. The fight between good and evil is engaging, and the ending is not a foregone conclusion. Even though Christ is greater than the old gods and the new magical stone of the druids, God’s ways are not always our ways and man’s sin and weakness are ever-present, making the story both suspenseful and satisfying.

I’ve read L’Morte d’Arthur, the long and sometimes repetitive compilation by Sir Thomas Mallory of fifteenth century stories about Arthur and his knights, and despite the repetition and the archaic language, I enjoyed Malory’s version of Arthur very much. I’ve also read several other novels, poems, and series that use these legends as a starting place. Here are some of my favorites:

The Once and Future King by T.H. White. White’s version of the Arthur legend is the source, in its turn, for Disney’s Sword in the Stone and for the musical Camelot. It’s light-hearted and rather fun.

Idylls of the King by Sir Alfred, Lord Tennyson. Arthurian legend in poetic form. Victorian Arthur.

The old order changeth, yielding place to new;
And we that fight for our fair father Christ,
Seeing that ye be grown too weak and old
To drive the heathen from your Roman wall,
No tribute will we pay: so those great lords
Drew back in wrath, and Arthur strove with Rome.

And Arthur and his knighthood for a space
Were all one will, and through that strength the King
Drew in the petty princedoms under him,
Fought, and in twelve great battles overcame
The heathen hordes, and made a realm and reigned.

*************

If thou shouldst never see my face again,
Pray for my soul. More things are wrought by prayer
Than this world dreams of. Wherefore, let thy voice
Rise like a fountain for me night and day.
For what are men better than sheep or goats
That nourish a blind life within the brain,
If, knowing God, they lift not hands of prayer
Both for themselves and those who call them friend?

'Glastonbury Abbey' photo (c) 2009, Elliott Brown - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/The Pendragon Cycle by Stephen R. Lawhead consists of six novels:
Taliesin (1987)
Merlin (1988)
Arthur (1989)
Pendragon (1994)
Grail (1997)
Avalon (1999)

Lawhead’s druids, as I remember it, were good guys, for the most part, worshipping the One True God, whereas Treskillard takes the opposite approach with the druidow, as he calls them, being the definite bad guys in the story, evil and pagan through and through. Nevertheless, Treskillard, in the author’s note at the end of Merlin’s Blade, thanks Lawhead for his “unique and expert critique” and for inspiring him. There’s apparently room for more than one vision of Arthur and Merlin and druids.

King Arthur and His Knights of The Round Table by Howard Pyle is a summary/re-telling of Mallory without much extraneous material or re-interpretation. Pyle does organize the story and leave out a lot of the repetition to condense it down to a more manageable length.

Rosemary Sutcliff wrote several books related to Arthurian legend and early medieval/Roman Britain: The Lantern Bearers (1959), Sword at Sunset (1963), Tristan and Iseult (1971), The Light Beyond the Forest (1979), The Sword and the Circle (1981), and The Road to Camlann (1981). Excellent stuff.

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain is mostly ridiculous, but not a bad read.

The last book in C.S. Lewis’s space trilogy, That Hideous Strength, is set in post-modern Britain, but it features the “return of the king” (Arthur) and of Merlin.

The Crystal Cave, The Hollow Hills and The Last Enchantment, all by Mary Stewart, are called together her Merlin Trilogy. Sh later wrote two more books based on Arthurian legend, The Wicked Day and The Prince and the Pilgrim but I have not read those.

Here There Be Dragons by James Owen, reviewed at Semicolon, has allusions to Arthurian legend: one of the islands in the story is Avalon, and King Arthur has some influence on events in the book.

The Sword in the Tree by Clyde Robert Bulla. Shan, son of Lord Weldon, hides a sword in the hollow of a tree. The events of this book take place during the time of King Arthur and his knights of the Round Table, and Shan eventually ends up in Camelot. This easy chapter book was a favorite of one of my daughters when she was younger.

The Defence of Guenevere by William Morris, with Semicolon commentary.

Of course, when talking about Arthurian farce and legend, one can’t forget the film, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. My friend in high school had the “hand grenade” monologue, and several other parts of the movie, memorized:

Cleric: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, “O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu…
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother…
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, “First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

I liked Merlin’s Blade well enough that I have the second book in the planned Merlin Spiral trilogy, Merlin’s Shadow, on hold at the library. What’s your favorite version of or allusion to Arthurian legend?

Preview of 2013 Book Lists #2

SATURDAY December 28th, will be a special edition of the Saturday Review of Books especially for booklists. You can link to a list of your favorite books read in 2013, a list of all the books you read in 2013, a list of the books you plan to read in 2014, or any other end of the year or beginning of the year list of books. Whatever your list, it’s time for book lists. So come back on Saturday the 28th to link to yours, especially if I missed it and it’s not already here.

However, I’ve spent the past couple of weeks gathering up all the lists I could find and linking to them here (Preview of 2013 Book Lists #1). I’ll be posting off and on between now and the 28th a selection of end-of-the-year lists with my own comments. I’m also trying my hand at (unsolicited) book advisory by suggesting some possibilities for 2014 reading for each blogger whose list I link. I did this last year, and I don’t really know if anyone paid attention or not. If you did read a book I suggested for you last year, please leave a comment, either negative or positive, so that I’ll know how well I did. I do know that I enjoy exercising my book-recommending brain.

If I didn’t get your list linked ahead of time and if you leave your list in the linky on Saturday, December 28th, I’ll try to advise you, too, in a separate post or in the comments.

Here are few early booklists I found while looking around the book blogs.Novel Novice: Best YA Books of 2013. Sara at Novel Novice makes all fourteen of the books on her best-of list sound like must-reads. They can’t all be that good, can they? For her, I’m recommending Orleans by Sherri Smith and A Matter of Days by Amber Kizer, both apocalyptic YA novels that were published in 2013.

Meg at A Bookish Affair: Best Books of 2013. One of Meg’s favorites reads in 2013, Buried in Books: A Reader’s Anthology by Julie Rugg, sounds particularly inviting. Meg enjoys historical fiction: I wonder if she’s read Prince of Foxes by Samuel Shellabarger, one of my favorite historical fiction novels? And since Meg enjoys “books about books”, a sub-genre I’m rather fond of, too, I suggest she check out Louis L’Amour’s Education of a Wandering Man.

Angela’s Anxious Life: Best Books I’ve Read in 2013. Angie seems to lean toward the dark side, Stephen King, dystopian series, and some graphic novels and fairy tale retellings. I wonder if she’s read What I Saw and How I Lied by Judy Blundell? In the re-spun fairy tale genre, I recommend Donna Jo Napoli’s The Wager and Enchantment by Orson Scott Card.

Fiction Fascination: Best Books of 2013. Carly recommends The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman so highly that I might have to actually read it this year. For this Irish mom and book blogger, I’m recommending The Last Dragonslayer by Jasper Fforde and Winter’s Tale by Mark Helprin.

Rachel Held Evans: My five favorite books of the year. Ms. Evans should try Death by Living by N.D. Wilson and The Little Way of Ruthie Leming by Rod Dreher. Both books would speak to the conservative side of her Christian roots, without, I think, infuriating the more liberal side of her thinking.

Carrie K at Books and Movies: Favorite YA Fiction of 2013 and Favorite Contemporary Fiction of 2013. Oh, Carrie, read Mrs. Buncle’s Book by D.E. Stevenson. I just finished it, and I think you would like it a lot. For YA fiction, check out The Opposite of Hallelujah by Anna Jarjab.

Sarah Johnson at Reading the Past: 15 Memorable Reads of 2013. Sarah reads historical fiction, and she’s pretty much an expert on the genre. I think I want to read all 14 of her favorites. (I already read A Wilder Rose by Susan Wittig Albert, and I enjoyed it very much.) As for recommendations, I suggest (if she hasn’t already read them) Doc by Mary Doria Russell and River Rising by Athol Dickson.

37 Books of the Year as recommended by bloggers at Reading Matters. I can’t make recommendations for all 37 of the bloggers who participated in Kim’s Reading Advent Calendar, but I can recommend a book or two for Kim herself. She would do well to check out Wally Lamb’s The Hour I First Believed and I Do Not Come to You by Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani, one of my favorite reads from this past year.

Mademoiselle Le Sphinx: Best Books I’ve Read in 2013. Mademoiselle is Aliaa El-Nashar, an Egyptian young lady living in Cairo who loves to read. For her future reading I propose Orleans by Sherri Smith and and oldie but goodie, The Little World of Don Camillo by Italian author Giovanni Guareschi (because Aliaa is studying Italian at the university in Cairo).

Amara’s Eden: Best Books I Read in 2013. Amara’s list includes everything from Stephen King (Carrie) to YA to picture books. Amara seems to be participating in an ongoing (?) C.S. Lewis reading challenge, for which I recommend The Great Divorce. And since Amara likes horror, I’d suggest she go back to the classic horror author, Edgar Allan Poe, and sample some of his short stories.

Winterling by Sarah Prineas

Some readers might really like this story of a girl named Fer who travels The Way to a magical land, but I’m not sure who those readers would be. It’s a Narnia-like story in that Fer reaches a land which is being ruled by an evil “Mor”, and Fer must use “good magic” to fight against the Mor and free the land from her evil enchantments. However, the atmosphere and feeling is not at all like C.S. Lewis’s tales, but much more pagan and witch-y and spellbound.

Maybe Winterling is a vegetarian, herb-woman fairy tale. Fer is a vegetarian, and several times during the story she emphasizes the fact that she doesn’t eat meat and won’t kill animals. Fer’s grandmother is an herb-woman who teaches Fer to be a healer using various magical spells and herbs. This earth magic later comes in quite handy as Fer confronts the evil Mor and heals the creatures who have been wounded by her magic.

It just took me a long time to get into the story or to identify with any of the characters. About halfway through I began to care about what happened to Fer and her companions, but I still found the book made me feel uneasy and fish-out-of-water. Again, Winterling might be just the book for some fantasy fans, just not really me.

Other voices:
Jen Robinson (disagrees with me): “I think that people who enjoy traditional fantasy (like the C.S. Lewis books) will welcome this addition to the canon. Fans of Anne Ursu’s Breadcrumbs will also want to give this one a look. Recommended for anyone looking to visit a new world (and one with the promise of additional books), ages ten and up.”
(I liked Breadcrumbs, and I love Narnia. But this book just didn’t click with me.)

Adventures of Cecelia Bedelia: “Prineas’ world-building is also top-notch, and her characterization of Fer, her fearful grandmother and the denizens of the other world are outstanding. I’ll look forward to more of Fer, Rook, and further adventures in other lands the next in this series.”

Saturday Review of Books: May 12, 2012

“It happens to us once or twice in a lifetime to be drunk with some book which probably has some extraordinary relative power to intoxicate us and none other; and having exhausted that cup of enchantment we go groping in libraries all our years afterwards in the hope of being in Paradise again.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson in a letter to Sam Ward

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Welcome to the Saturday Review of Books at Semicolon. Here’s how it usually works. Find a book review on your blog posted sometime during the previous week. The review doesn’t have to be a formal sort of thing. You can link to your thoughts on a particular book, a few ideas inspired by reading the book, your evaluation, quotations, whatever.

Then on Friday night/Saturday, you post a link here at Semicolon in Mr. Linky to the specific post where you’ve written your book review. Don’t link to your main blog page because this kind of link makes it hard to find the book review, especially when people drop in later after you’ve added new content to your blog. In parentheses after your name, add the title of the book you’re reviewing. This addition will help people to find the reviews they’re most interested in reading.

After linking to your own reviews, you can spend as long as you want reading the reviews of other bloggers for the week and adding to your wishlist of books to read. That’s how my own TBR list has become completely unmanageable and the reason I can’t join any reading challenges. I have my own personal challenge that never ends.