“Tonight is the school Nativity play performed by Class 1 with an awful lot of help from the rest of the world because Class 1 can do nothing unaided. Mary and Joseph are the worst of the lot. If the real Mary and Joseph were anything like our Mary and Joseph there would be no Christmas because Christianity would have got no further than a big fight over who got the donkey somewhere along the road to Bethlehem.”
And afterwards:
“Buttercup was a perfect Baby Jesus. . . I think he may grow up to be a very talented actor because although it was quite a simple thing he had to do, just lie nicely on some hay, he managed it very well indeed. Class 1 had just as simple things to do, but they didn’t manage them half as well. The Wise Men had to be asked in front of everyone to settle down and leave the presents alone. And we will need a new donkey next year. With stronger ears.”