Archive | November 2006

Out of Patience by Brian Meehl

Everyone has his or her obsessions. I like pecans.

Jake Waters is the main character in Out of Patience. He wants to get out of Patience, Kansas as soon as possible. His father, Jim Waters, collects . . . well, he collects toilet plungers. Actually, the plungers are just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. J. Waters, who is of course a plumber, also collects other various and sundry toilet and plumbing paraphernalia, utensils, equipment, and accoutrements. He doesn’t collect all this stuff for business purposes either; he’s planning to build the ATM, American Toilet Museum. Yes, the father in this quirky novel is “a half-bubble off plumb.”

Actually, the entire story is about a half-bubble off plumb, or as I like to say, downright quirky. Examples. You want examples?
Jake’s Pakistani friend Cricket is working on a summer project called “Kansas: 100 Freaky and Fascinating Facts.” For example, in 1908, the Kansas legislature passed a law against eating snakes in public.

The biggest and only business in Patience is Knight Soil and Fertilizer which produces fertilizers with the names such as “Dung Shui” and “Pie-Agri”.

In addition to fertilizer, Patience has a curse, the the Cass Curse of the Plunger of Destiny.

Patience also boasts in its history the first flush toilet west of the Mississippi: an original Dolphin Deluge Washdown Water Closet installed by Jeremiah Waters in 1876 at the request of his wife Regina.

So . . . yeah. If you’re intrigued, read Out of Patience. If you’re mildly amused, you might still want to pick up a copy. It’s potty humor, but it’s not really too tasteless. If you’re appalled already by the examples above of quirky humor, don’t bother.

I looked up author Brian Meehl and found out that he’s actually Barkley the Muppet dog from Sesame Street. That explains everything, I think.

He also shares this interesting fact in his bio:

BEST PIECE OF TOILET TRIVIA I COULDN’T WORK INTO OUT OF PATIENCE: My great-great-grandfather was a justice of the peace in Missouri in the late 1800s. After administering marital vows to a pair of newlyweds, he had a special way of reminding them of the domestic life they were about to share. He asked them to toast their marriage by drinking from a chamber pot filled with beer and a German sausage.

You’ll either love Out of Patience< or hate it. Me? I haven’t decided yet.

This book is another of those nominated for the Cybil Award for Middle Grade Fiction.

Come on Ring Those Bells

Last year during the month of December I set up a Salvation Army Red Kettle in my sidebar through which readers could make secure online donations to the Salvation Army. This year I’m doing the same –two days early.

If you’ve enjoyed reading the posts here at Semicolon this year, please consider a small donation (or a large one) to the Salvation Army. You can donate online by clicking on the red kettle in the sidebar.

Also, all profits from sales of my book, Picture Book Preschool, during the month of December will go to the Salvation Army. So if you’re interested in purchasing a copy for yourself or for a gift, now would be a good time to buy.

Click here for more information on the preschool curriculum book, Picture Book Preschool .

Among the Books of Margaret Peterson Haddix

A couple of months ago I wrote about my discovery of YA author Margaret Peterson Haddix. But at that time I hadn’t yet discovered her most popular series of books, a series that begins with Among the Hidden and continues through seven volumes. I read six of the books in the series this week, and I don’t see that the sixth book brings the story to a satisfying conclusion. However, Ms. Haddix may intend to leave the ending open, or it may all come together in the seventh book, the one I haven’t managed to find in the library yet.

The seven books in this series are:
Among the Hidden (1998)
Among the Imposters (2001)
Among the Betrayed (2002)
Among the Barons (2003)
Among the Brave (2004)
Among The Enemy (2005)
Among the Free (2006)

They’re really just one continuous story, packaged in books that are a couple of hundred pages long for ease of consumption. In my library, half of the books in the series are shelved in the children’s fiction section and the other half are shelved in the YA section. I’d say that’s an issue for libraries, but not for readers. The books are easy to read for about fourth grade and up, and the subject matter is appropriate for anyone who understands the existence of evil and won’t be traumatized by people, even main characters, dying. There is violence, but it’s not terribly graphic for the most part. The children in the book are in real danger, and that danger is not minimized or called off at the last minute.

The premise of the stories is that these children live in a world in which it is illegal for anyone to have more than two children. There has been a problem with food supply in the past, and the totalitarian government decrees that the solution is for everyone to have only two children, no more. Third children are to be aborted or, if they are found out later, killed. In such a world, all the “thirds” are hidden children. Some live in hidden rooms, and others buy fake identities, but they’re all in danger of being found and exterminated at any time.

The books follow a similar pattern: the child protagonist, a third, is forced to come of age and tap inner resources in order to survive in a hostile world. I like the way the children struggle with their own fears and the handicap of having lived a “shadow” life. I like the way some of the characters, who have a heritage of having been taught to trust in God for strength and guidance, continue to do so in a very natural and non-preachy way. sibling relationships and friendships are featured and described in a realistic way.

These books would be excellent for junior high/high school age young adults and science fiction fans. Adventure, an interesting premise, moral dilemmas, intriguing characters —The Shadow Children series has it all. I enjoyed them, and I’m still looking for the last book in the series.

To this Great Stage of Fools: Born November 29th

Three authors were born on this date. All three are listed on my Unfinished List of the 100 Best Fiction Books of All Time. All three wrote for children as well as adults. Can you identify the author for each of the following quotations?

1. “You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children.”

2. “Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents.”

3. “The very idea of freedom presupposes some objective moral law which overarches rulers and ruled alike…Unless we return to the crude and nursery-like belief in objective values, we perish.”

4. “. . . it comes to me that if I am not free to accept guilt when I do wrong, then I am not free at all. If all my mistakes are excused, if there’s an alibi, a rationalization for every blunder, then I am not free at all. I have become subhuman.”

5. “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable.”

6. “God has paid us the intolerable compliment of loving us, in the deepest, most tragic, most inexorable sense.”

7. “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”

8. “Life is my college. May I graduate well, and earn some honors!”

9. “A young man who wishes to remain a sound Atheist cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere–‘Bibles laid open, millions of surprises,’ as Herbert says, ‘fine nets and stratagems.’ God is, if I may say it, very unscrupulous.”

10. “Poor dull Concord. Nothing colorful has come through here since the Redcoats.”

Happy Birthday to Jack, Jo, and Maddy, three of my favorite authors and thinkers.

A Texas Tree Talks by Douglas Rose

There’s an ancient old Texas pecan tree

If it could talk, it would boast many tales to tell;

Now it stands quiet–a new sprawling mall built

Within yards of its Texas trunk–

Passers-by still stop to rest in its ancient shade–

But no one will ever know what the pecan tree knows–

Because it will never, never ever tell!

I found this poem at the Texas State Historical Society website.

LAST CHANCE: If you’ve written anything related to pecans —a recipe, a joke, a story, even more trivia— please leave a link. Everyone who leaves a link will be entered in my contest to win a bag of pecans from our annual Pecan Odyssey, shelled by the Semicolon family, mostly me. I’ll be drawing a name tomorrow. In the meantime, check out some of the pecan-related stories and recipes other bloggers have left to tantalize and make you appreciate the lowly pecan.

Antoine, The Nearly-Anonymous Pecan Gardener

You may be used to varieties of pecans that are large with a lot of meat inside and at the same time easy to crack because of their thin shells. When I a little girl, we had a “native” pecan tree in our yard, and I can testify that the pecans were small and hard to crack with tiny bits of nutmeat inside.

We have the many varieties of pecans that we have today partly because of a man from Louisiana named Antione, that’s all, just Antoine. He was a slave gardener, and he grafted the first official variety of improved pecan, Centennial, at Oak Alley Plantation on the west bank of the Mississippi River just north of New Orleans in 1846. It won the Best Pecan Exhibited award at the Philadelphia Centennial Exposition in 1876.

Antoine is listed in an 1848 inventory of his owner, J.T. Roman’s, slaves as a “Creole slave, age 38.” That and the fact that he was a pioneer and expert gardener, skilled in the grafting of pecan trees, make up about the sum total of what we know about Antoine. But he did do something that I will appreciate tomorrow when I’m shelling my pecans, my paper-shell pecans.

My Mama Always Said

. . . if you don’t toot your own horn, nobody else will.

IMHO, my curriculum book, PictureBook Preschool would be a wonderful Christmas gift for any friend or relative with a preschool child. The weekly book lists are grouped by theme, and January would be a perfect time to start reading aloud daily to your preschooler if you’re not doing so already.

Click here for more information . .

More Pecan Trivia

The Nueces River was named by the Spanish explorer La Salle in honor of the pecan trees growing along its banks.

The pecan tree is the state tree of Texas.

Georgia usually produces the most cultivated pecans for sale of any state in the U.S. Texas comes in second.

You may thresh the pecans from the tree or thrash them. Both words mean essentially the same thing.

In Cajun country, if you’re a “gone pecan” you are doomed, lost, unrecoverable. Let’s hope New Orleans isn’t a gone pecan. (Has anyone actually heard this idiom used in conversation or seen it in print? I just found it on the internet.)

The World’s Largest Pecan Tree and the story of a visit to it.

San Saba, Texas calls itself the Pecan Capital of the World.

If you’ve written anything related to pecans —a recipe, a joke, a story, even more trivia— please leave a link. Everyone who leaves a link will be entered iin my contest to win a bag of pecans from our annual Pecan Odyssey, shelled by the Semicolon family, mostly me.

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

Twins. Ghosts. Insanity. Murder. Large English country houses. Odd dreams. Libraries full of books. Numerous references to Jane Eyre

This book has all the ingredients and they’re stirred together well. I recommended it to Eldest Daughter as soon as I finshed it on Thanksgiving, and she stayed up until after 1:00 AM reading it. ‘Nuff said.

However, I’m going to write some more because I can’t resist. I read a book a long time ago about a pair of British twins who were mentally disturbed; I think it was a nonfiction case study, but it may have been fiction. I still remember how very odd the twins were and how one twin controlled the other using nonverbal cues and a secret twin language. The book also told about how the twins were separated and sent to different institutions in hope of improving their mental conditions. I’m really wondering if Ms. Setterfield read that same book or another similar one. I wish I could remember the title.

All that to say, this book is about mentally disturbed twins. It’s also about Story, the stories we live out and the narratives we create to make sense of our lives. The book is about lies and truth, too, and the boundaries that separate the two.

“I will tell you my story, beginning at the beginning, continuing with the middle, and with the end at the end. Everything in its proper place. No cheating. No looking ahead. No questions. No sneaky glances at the last page.”

The narrator doesn’t exactly cheat on this commitment, but Ms. Setterfield, the author behind the narrator, does. The story doesn’t go directly from beginning to end; it comes to a seeming end and then backtracks to tell the same story from a different perspective which changes everything.

“In a single moment, a moment of vertiginous, kaleidoscopic bedazzlement, the story Miss Winter had told me unmade and remade itself, in every event identical, in every detail the same —yet entirely, profoundly different. Like those images that reveal a young bride if you hold the page one way, and an old crone if you hold it the other.”

I said that The Thirteenth Tale contains numerous references to Jane Eyre, and others have compared the book itself to Charlotte Bronte’s works. However, I think it’s much too wild and borderline insane to fit into the essentially staid and conservative Victorian world of the Brontes. In Jane Eyre, the madwoman spends most of her time locked in the attic, only escaping to bring the story to its denouement. In The Thirteenth Tale the insane run free, and the sane are required to hide in attics and closets. Futhermore, in The Thirteenth Tale and in The Woman in White by Wilkie Collins, the Victorian author I would compare Setterfield to, as madness runs amuck, spreading chaos and mayhem throughout the countryside, it becomes difficult to judge who is sane and who is mad and and who is telling the truth and who is lying and who is simply evil.

For sheer gothic fun and mystery, pick up The Thirteenth Tale. Oh, I almost forgot, if you love words, you’ll enjoy the language and style of this book, too. Note the quotations above, especially the second one. I had to look up “vertiginous”. It means “causing or having to do with vertigo.” What a great word!

Mixing Metaphors: Mudslinging Authors and Literary Daggers

Ariel at BittersweetLife is collecting quotations of great authors writing about one another. He seems to think these knd of quotations would be edifying and enlightening. However, I’m not sure what it says about my own personality that I immediately thought of the first quotation in the list below, Mark Twain on Jane Austen. I think the lesson here is that great authors are often NOT authorities on the work of other authors.

Mark Twain: “Jane Austen? Why I go so far as to say that any library is a good library that does not contain a volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book.”

William Faulkner on Mark Twain: “A hack writer who would not have been considered a fourth rate in Europe, who tricked out a few of the old proven ‘sure-fire’ literary skeletons with sufficient local colour to intrigue the superficial and the lazy.”

William Faulkner on Ernest Hemingway: “He has never been known to use a word that might send a man to a dictionary.”

Ernest Hemingway, in reply: “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think emotions come from big words?”

Thomas Macaulay: “From the poetry of Lord Byron they drew a system of ethics, compounded of misanthropy and voluptuousness, a system in which the two great commandments were, to hate your neighbor and to love your neighbor’s wife.”

Anthony Trollope: “Of Dicken’s style it is impossible to speak in praise. It is jerky, ungrammatical and created by himself in defiance of rules … No young novelist should ever dare to imitate the style of Dickens.”

Oscar Wilde on Dickens’ The Old Curiosity Shop: “One must have a heart of stone to read the death of Little Nell without laughing.”

Oscar Wilde again: “Mr. Henry James writes fiction as if it were a painful duty.”

Oscar WIlde, once again: “There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope.”

Edward Gibbon on St. Augustine: “His learning is too often borrowed, his arguments too often his own.”

Robert Louis Stevenson on Matthew Arnold: “Poor Matt. He’s gone to heaven, no doubt, but he won’t like God.”

Samuel Johnson on Lord Chesterfield: “This man I thought had been a Lord among wits; but, I find, he is only a wit among Lords!”

Samuel Johnson on Thomas Gray: “Sir, he was dull in company, dull in his closet, dull everywhere. He was dull in a new way and that made people think him great.”

D.H. Lawrence on Walt Whitman: “This awful Whitman. This post-mortem poet. This poet with the private soul leaking out of him all the time. All his privacy leaking out in a sort of dribble, oozing into the universe.”

G.K.Chesterton: “Mr Shaw is (I suspect) the only man on earth who has never written poetry.”

T.S. Eliot on My Fair Lady: “I must say Bernard Shaw is greatly improved by music.”

Ezra Pound: “Mr Eliot is at times an excellent poet and has arrived at the supreme Eminence among English critics largely through disguising himself as a corpse.”

Alfred, Lord Tennyson: “Carlyle is a poet to whom nature has denied the faculty of verse.”

W.H. Auden on Alfred, Lord Tennyson: “There was little about melancholy that he didn’t know; there was little else that he did.”

W.H. Auden on Edgar Allan Poe: “An unmanly sort of man whose love-life seems to have been largely confined to crying in laps and playing mouse.”

Saki on Ralph Waldo Emerson: “Waldo is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.”

Truman Capote on Jack Kerouac: “That’s not writing; That’s typing.”

Let me note that I agree with only a handful of these insulting remarks, and I will not tell you which ones those are. So, “[d]o you have a favorite quote, from a respected author/thinker, in which he/she comments on another author?” Inquiring minds want to know.