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Idealistic Eighteen Year Old in Need of a Challenge

So Drama Daughter, age eighteen, is not going away to college this fall as she had planned. You can read about her journey and dilemma here if you’re interested. Since her life has changed to unknown Plan B, she’s a little (LOT) unsure what to do with herself this summer and this fall. She has a job, and she’s taking classes at the local junior college, but she wants to do something new and exciting. I gave her this list of possibilities and thinking-starters a few weeks ago, but I don’t think any of them are what she has in mind.

1. Volunteer to lead Good News Clubs in our area. Training is in May.

2. Help with Missions Week at our church.

3. Work full time and save money for your car and college.

4. Volunteer somewhere.

5. Musical theater class at AD Players.

6. Summer internship at Houston’s First Baptist Church.

7. Visit your grandmother once a week and watch a movie together or go out to eat.

8. Volunteer at the Mission Centers of Houston.

9. Take a home economics course (at home) with Brown Bear Daughter.

10. Take a world religions course (at home) with Brown Bear Daughter.

11. Work to build a house with Habitat For Humanity.

12. Meals on Wheels program is in need of more volunteers to deliver meals Monday through Friday. Could you spare an hour during your week to bring food to someone in need? I

13. Study twentieth/twenty-first century drama with Mom.

14. Do an intensive reading project: see pages 9-11 of Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris.

15. Learn to cook.

16. Take a class at San Jacinto Junior College. (She’s already been dong this, but she still has some more basic classes to finish.)

17. Go visit your aunt in South Dakota.

18. Go visit Eldest Sister in Indiana.

19. Start a blog.

20. Write a book.

21. Meet with a Christian mentor weekly who will help you to grow as a Christian. (I could help you to find the right person.)

22. Be a mentor to a younger girl and meet together weekly to study the Bible and pray together.

23. Internship at Alley Theater. (She checked into this program, but it’s more appropriate for older, more experienced actors.)

24. Take a math class to prepare you for college algebra.

25. Maybe just do this: stop, talk to people, really listen, live now instead of waiting for the future event to make you happy. Serve God where you are.

These are mostly ideas for the summer, but none of them seem to be working out for her for one reason or another. One problem is that the above ideas represent the things that I’m interested in doing or seeing her do, not her own interests and desires. She’s been looking into Americorps, but I have some hesitation about sending her halfway across the country to take a job with no place to live and no assurance that she will like the job or the place. What she really wants to do is to go away, to try out a new place and develop her own independence. What I want is for her to be moderately safe while doing so.

Maybe the above ideas will be helpful to someone else. In the meantime, any suggestions? I’m going to link to whatever I find that’s helpful in this area below.

Melissa Wiley links to the story of a girl who followed her interests and got a scholarship to the University of VIrginia on the strength of her passion.

Susan WIse Bauer writes about her experience with planning her son’s “gap year” after high school. Unfortunately, these programs cost money that we don’t have.

Teacher Books

Today is Teacher Appreciation Day. Read (or give away) a book about teachers and students:

Tom Brown’s Schooldays by Thomas Hughes. The fictional story of a boy, Tom Brown, who attends Rugby, the famous boys’ prep school that was run by headmaster Dr. Thomas Arnold (father of poet Matthew Arnold) is based on the author’s own schooldays at Rugby. Dr. Arnold was one of the foremost British educators of all time, and he made Rugby a leading school for boys in England on par with Eton and other elite schools. This book is very old-fashioned, almost Dickensian, so if you enjoy reading fiction written and set in the nineteenth century, you might like it. I did.

The Marva Collins Way by Marva Collins. I read this book about a Chicago teacher who started her own private preparatory school a long time ago, before I started homeschooling. I remember being quite impressed with Ms. Collins’ approach to teaching children. Two quotes I wrote down in my notebook at the time:

“Moreover, it is a mistake to assume that in order to stimulate creativity and critical thinking you must rule out any learning by rote. Memorization is the only way to teach such things as phonics, grammar, spelling, and multiplication tables.”

“The best training a teacher can have is a solid liberal arts education. Instead of emphasizing methods courses, training institutions should require education majors to have a broad background in literature, science, art, music, and philosophy. The object of teaching is to impart as much knowledge as possible. Students can only give back what a teacher gives out.”

Lovey: A Very Special Child and Turnabout Children by Mary MacCracken. I read these books about a special ed teacher and her students a long time ago. Krakovianka writes about the books from a more recent perspective.

The Well-Trained Mind and The Well-Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer. Excellent help for beginning teachers and homeschoolers. Just don’t become overwhelmed by all the information and expectations that Ms. Bauer includes. Take it easy, take what works, leave the rest.

What teacher books have you found helpful, either as a homeschool mom or as a schoolteacher? Leave a note in the comments, with a link to your review if you have one, and I’ll add your favorites to the list.

Poem #18: The Pulley by George Herbert

“Poetry is to prose as dancing is to walking.”~Paul Valery

fixed_pulley_25757_mdWHEN God at first made man,
Having a glasse of blessings standing by ;
Let us (said he) poure on him all we can :
Let the worlds riches, which dispersed lie,
Contract into a span.

So strength first made a way ;
Then beautie flow’d, then wisdome, honour, pleasure :
When almost all was out, God made a stay,
Perceiving that alone, of all his treasure,
Rest in the bottome lay.

For if I should (said he)
Bestow this jewell also on my creature,
He would adore my gifts in stead of me,
And rest in Nature, not the God of Nature :
So both should losers be.

Yet let him keep the rest,
But keep them with repining restlesnesse :
Let him be rich and wearie, that at least,
If goodnesse leade him not, yet wearinesse
May tosse him to my breast.

St. Augustine: Nos fecisti ad te et inquietum est cor nostrum donec requiescat in te.
You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.

George Herbert:
. . . was born April 3, 1593 in Wales to a wealthy family, patrons of the arts.
. . . entered Cambridge University at the age of 16 and graduated with a master’s degree at the age of 20.
. . . was a member of the Parliament, The House of Commons, for two years.
. . . wrote the lyrics to the hymn Let All the World in Every Corner Sing.
. . . died of tuberculosis on March 1, 1633 at the age of 39.
. . . on his deathbed gave the manuscript to his only book of poetry to his friend, Nicholas Ferrar, and told him to publish the poems if he thought them worthwhile and otherwise to burn them. Thanksfully, Mr. Ferrar did not burn the poems but published the collection, The Temple: Sacred Poems and Private Ejaculations.

Izaak Walton about Herbert: “His chiefest recreation was Musick, in which heavenly Art he was a most excellent Master, and, compos’d many divine Hymns and Anthems, which he set and sung to his Lute or Viol.”

Henry Vaughan (poet): George Herbert was a man “whose holy life and verse gained many pious Converts (of whom I am the least).”

RIchard Baxter: “”Herbert speaks to God like one that really believeth a God, and whose business in the world is most with God. Heart-work and heaven-work make up his books.”

Sunday Salon: Books Read in April, 2010

Nonfiction:
Apparent Danger: The Pastor of America’s First Megachurch and the Texas Murder Trial of the Decade in the 1920’s by David Stokes. Semicolon review here.

Plan B by Pete Wilson.

The Whole Five Feet: What the Great Books Taught Me About Life, Death, and Pretty Much Everything Else by Christopher R. Beha.

A Walk with Jane Austen by Lori Smith. Semicolon review here.

Adult Fiction:
An Expert in Murder by Nicola Upson. Semicolon review here.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett. Semicolon review here.

Vittoria Cottage by D.E. Stevenson. Semicolon review here.

Daniel Isn’t Talking by Marti Leimbach. Recommended at Polishing Mudballs.

Children’s/YA Fiction:
The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Prisoner’s Dilemma by Trenton Lee Stewart.

For the Love of Venice by Donna Jo Napoli. Semicolon review here.

Willow by Julia Hoban. Semicolon review here.

Little Blog on the Prairie by Cathleen Davitt Bell. Semicolon review here.

Best Fiction for the month: The Help by Kathryn Stockett.

Best Nonfiction: (hard call–all four were good) A Walk with Jane Austen by Lori Smith.

I also started a couple of books, but didn’t finish them: Bone by Bone by Carol O’Connell and The Ever-breath by Julianna Baggot were just not my cuppa. And I dipped into Joan Didion’s book of essays, Slouching Toward Bethelehem. I’ll probably keep reading the essays even though several of the ones I read seem a bit obscure or esoteric in subject.

Vittoria Cottage by D.E. Stevenson

I’ve had several reading bloggers recommend the books of author D.E. Stevenson, an author I’d never heard of until I began reading blog reviews. So, when I was at the library the other day and happened upon a shelf of books by Ms. Stevenson, I decided to try one out. (Note: this is how publicity-via-blog works with me. A title or an author sits in the back of my mind until I decide one day to check it out of the library or buy it at the bookstore. This process may take a while.)

Anyway, Vittoria Cottage was first published in 1949, and it’s set in about that time period, post-WW II, in rural/village England. The setting and characters remind me a lot of Angela Thirkell’s (Semicolon mini-reviews of Private Enterprise and County Chonicle by Thirkell). In this particular book, Caroline Dering, a widow, lives in the village of Ashbridge in a cottage she inherited from her husband’s family. As the story progresses, various romantic entanglements come and go for Caroline’s children, James, Leda, and Bobbi, and for Caroline herself. The novel revolves around the characters rather than plot. The plot is fairly predictable, but the characters’ actions, feelings, and reactions are not so much so.

The fun part is that I know people just like those in the book. Leda is the chronic grumbler who thinks she will pleased and happy if this or that relationship works out or if she can just attend this or that event or travel or stay home or something. But everyone around her knows that nothing will really make her happy or make her stop complaining; it’s become a habit. Caroline is the peace-making mother who knows deep down inside that she doesn’t have the right words to make everything right for her grown children, but she wants so much to see them happy that she keeps on trying anyway. And although I identify with Caroline’s time of life (I, too, have adult children whom I would like to see make good decisions), I am more like Caroline’s sister, Harriet, an actress who says what she thinks and d–n the consequences. And everybody else in the family had better be ready to hear the truth as Harriet sees it!

Nevertheless, Vittoria Cottage is a gentle story. Even Harriet never becomes too painfully forthright. The family in the story love one another in spite of all their faults, and the ending is a model of sacrificial love between two sisters. Vitoria Cottage takes the reader back to a time in which daily life was hard in some ways, what with rationing and post-war regulations and a general shortage of almost everything, but in which life was also simpler and more, well, agreeable and gentle and village-like. It’s a time we can never return to really, but it’s nice to visit in a book.

If you read D.E. Stevenson and enjoy her books, you may want to visit the following blogs that project the same sense of community and simple living in a bygone era:

Coffee, Tea Books and Me by Brenda: A sojourner who desires to walk in the path God leads each day… who loves her family, books, coffee in the morning, tea in the afternoon. (I think Brenda is one of the people who recommended Ms. Stevenson’s books.)

As I See It Now by Debra: I am the annoying happy homemaker type (and proud of it) who enjoys writing about her adventures with a husband and two cats in the empty nest phase of life.

Poem #17: To Lucasta On Going to the Wars

“Poets don’t draw. They unravel their handwriting and then tie it up again, but differently.”~Jean Cocteau


Tell me not, Sweet, I am unkind
That from the nunnery
Of thy chaste breast and quiet mind,
To war and arms I fly.

True, a new mistress now I chase,
The first foe in the field;
And with a stronger faith embrace
A sword, a horse, a shield.

Yet this inconstancy is such
As you too shall adore;
I could not love thee, Dear, so much,
Loved I not Honour more.

Who talks about honor anymore? Rather an antiquated term, isn’t it?

“A man has honor if he holds himself to an ideal of conduct though it is inconvenient, unprofitable, or dangerous to do so.” ~Walter Lippmann

“The most tragic thing in the world is a man of genius who is not a man of honor.” ~George Bernard Shaw

“Mine honor is my life; both grow in one; Take honor from me, and my life is done.” ~William Shakespeare

“Honor is like an island, rugged and without shores; once we have left it, we can never return.” ~Nicholas Bolieu

Whom do you know or know of that you consider a man or woman of honor? Ask your children. What is honor? What do they consider to be honorable behavior?

I asked mine.

Z-baby said: “It’s like if you were in a situation where you could die and he could live, or he could die and you could live, he would give his life to save you.”

Betsy-Bee: Respected. You honor someone when he does something good.

Karate Kid: Honor is being respectful and doing what is right. Who do I think is honorable? My dad.

Today, by the way, is Poem In Your Pocket Day. Carry a poem in your pocket and share it with a hungry soul, if you dare.

Poem #15: To Althea, From Prison by Richard Lovelace, 1642

“Poetry is the language in which man explores his own amazement.”~Christopher Fry

When Love with unconfined wings
Hovers within my gates,
And my divine Althea brings
To whisper at the grates;
When I lie tangled in her hair
And fettered to her eye,
The gods that wanton in the air
Know no such liberty.

When flowing cups run swiftly round,
With no allaying Thames,
Our careless heads with roses bound,
Our hearts with loyal flames;
When thirsty grief in wine we steep,
When healths and draughts go free,
Fishes that tipple in the deep
Know no such liberty.

When, like committed linnets, I
With shriller throat shall sing
The sweetness, mercy, majesty,
And glories of my king;
When I shall voice aloud how good
He is, how great should be,
Enlarged winds, that curl the flood,
Know no such liberty.

Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage;
Minds innocent and quiet take
That for an hermitage.
If I have freedom in my love,
And in my soul am free,
Angels alone, that soar above,
Enjoy such liberty.

RIchard Lovelace was a so-called “Cavalier Poet”, loyal to King Charles I during the English CIvil war of the 17th century. Other cavalier poets included Thomas Carew, Robert Herrick, and Sir John Suckling. Lovelace wrote this poem in 1642 while he was in Gatehouse Prison for petitioning to have the Clergy Act 1640 annulled which annulment would have returned the Anglican bishops to the House of Lords from which they had been excluded for their loyalty to King Charles. Althea may or may not have been a real person, but imagination provided Lovelace with Althea to caress, wine to drink, voice to praise the king, and freedom to live in peace and solitude.

This song is Lovelace’s words put to folk music by a group called Fairport Convention, music by Dave Swarbrick. The video clips are from the movie Fly Away Home.

Study guide to this poem.

Poem #14: A Valediction Forbidding Mourning by John Donne, 1611

“I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so in whining poetry.”~John Donne

Donne wrote this poem to his wife, Anne in 1611 as he was leaving the country on a diplomatic mission to France. The two had been married by this time for about ten years. Anne was related, by marriage, to Donne’s employer, and in 1601 when Anne was seventeen years old, she and John married, even though he knew the marriage would not be acceptable to his employer or to Anne’s father. Indeed, after the two married, Donne was fired from his job and spent a brief time in jail. John Donne and his beloved wife Anne had twelve children, five of whom died young, and then Anne herself died in 1617, leaving John with the surviving children to raise and support. John Donne never remarried.

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
“The breath goes now,” and some say, “No,”

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move;
‘Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of the earth brings harms and fears,
Men reckon what it did and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers’ love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we, by a love so much refined
That our selves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion.
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two:
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the other do;

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like the other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

Read more about the poem and its background here.

Willow by Julia Hoban

Willow is a book about self-injury, cutting, but it’s also about how something like cutting doesn’t really define a person. Willow, the heroine of the book, is much more than just a cutter. She’s a beautiful girl, who blushes easily. She’s an imaginative girl who loves Shakespeare’s play The Tempest. She’s capable of sacrificially someone else, even though she’s in such pain herself that it is all she can do to survive each day, sometimes hour by hour, even minute by minute.

On a rainy March night, Willow’s parent asked her to drive them home after they had a little too much wine at dinner. Willow tried, but she lost control of the car in the driving rain, and her parents, both of them, died in the ensuing accident. Willow survived, but her pain was too much to bear. So she began cutting to relieve the pain. The principle is that physical pain cancels out emotional pain, and Willow doesn’t know how to stop.

Enter Guy (yes, his name is Guy). Guy accidentally finds out Willow’s secret, and he considers himself responsible for Willow after she convinces him that telling her older brother/guardian about the cutting would destroy him. Slowly, Willow and Guy begin to trust one another, and then fall in love in spite of the barrier stands between them—Willow’s inability to allow herself to feel and her love-hate relationship with self-injury.

The book mostly eschews easy answers (just quit! why hurt yourself like that?) and goes for the power of love and patience to heal all wounds, even deep trauma like Willow’s. I was quite impressed with the author’s ability to get inside the head of deeply hurting seventeen year old like Willow and find not only the emotional pain hidden there, but also the personality and strength that it takes to overcome that pain and live through it. This book would be an excellent read for teens dealing with this issue in their own life or in that of a friend or relative.

Unfortunately, the author felt it necessary to have the teen couple in the book engage in premarital sex, an act that brings healing in the book, but that I think would be more confusing and unsettling to a teen who’s already dealing with serious emotional problems. I’m also not sure that telling teens that all it takes to overcome a serious addiction like cutting is the persistent love of a good man is quite the right message. Even though the patience part is emphasized, it still comes across as redemption by true love within 300 pages.

Some other resources for reading about and coping with self-injury and depression:

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

Blade Silver: Color Me Scarred by Melody Carlson.

Little Blog on the Prairie by Cathleen Davitt Bell

I read an ARC of this YA/middle grade title, and I thought it was just OK. Gen’s family goes to a “frontier camp” for vacation, and they are expected to live like people in the 1890’s (ala PBS’s Frontier House, which the author acknowledges as inspiration at the end of the book). Unfortunately, Gen’s broken the rules by bringing along her new cell phone, and her friend back home has set up a blog to record all of Gen’s impressions of the place and the people in the “frontier” community.

Several of the characters were unbelievable. Gen’s dad goes on a three month vacation, not only not having read the brochure about the camp, but also not having listened to anything Gen’s mom told the family about the camp. He’s completely blindsided by the idea that the family has agreed to live like the pioneers, and he doesn’t know what to do about the entire experience. But he stays anyway and spends his days cutting down trees to scare away the bears. Really? Would anyone set off on a three month vacation without knowing anything about where he’s going or what he’ll be doing?

Norah, the daughter of the camp’s proprietors, is incredibly sheltered and naive and at the same time, she acts as if she knows all about human nature and modern technology. Norah isn’t a very likable girl, and she comes across as one of those stereotypical over-protected homeschoolers that I only find in books, not in real life. Only Norah’s so isolated and the friendships she’s made have been so transient that she has become bitter and disagreeable. That’s what life in the 1890’s will do to a healthy American teenager.

Caleb, Gen’s “love interest”, is so nondescript that I have trouble saying anything about him. He wears a leather necklace, and Gen thinks he’s cute.

Watch Frontier House if you want to see what radical historical reenactment will do for and to a normal American family. Read the book as a way to pass a few hours, but not for history or for character development. Publication date for this title from Bloomsbury is May 11, 2010.